Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Badger, Baluchitherium, Barracuda

Probably only included for the sake of having stats for things that pop out of a bag of tricks and familiars. One could probably beat a wizard with no spells due to an inordinately dangerous claw-claw bite routine. but apart from that it is just a badger. Maybe there were fey creatures that had badger pets too, like brownies? That sounds about right. Frankly I'm not convinced a badger should have the offensive capabilities of 3 peasants.
Oh, their pelts are also worth 10-30gp, and there's a giant variety with 3hd.

I bet there a not a single person on the planet who thinks this is better than a rhino or elephant in terms of D&D
Another inexplicable prehistoric animal. Basically a dire giant rhino but instead of the immediate 'oh shit' factor of a giant enraged rhino it's just... well just look at it. It's like the depressive, psoriatic lovechild of Eeyore and an tapir.

I'm sure these mainly exist because the players were like, on a jungle river, maybe X1 Isle of Dread, and the GM was like 'If you fall off the boat you will be eaten by piranha" but then the players sailed out to the ocean and someone fell off and was like 'if those were freshwater pirahna there shouldn't be any in the sea' and the peeved GM was all like 'you are eaten by 2d6 barracuda instead' but then rolled low on the numbers and further improvised with '...and each barracuda has 1d3 HD because I hate you, dave'  which is clearly bullshit because the biggest barracuda ever caught weighed as much as like a teenager which sounds to me like 1-1HD, not 3HD.

Badgers and Barracuda exist, but neither are seriously dangerous to humans. Maybe badgers are hunted like boars or domesticated like dogs by the small folk of certain Beast Islands.
Baluchitheriums are dumb and I hate them and they never existed, nor will they ever

1 comment:

  1. While I can appreciate how non-D&D Baluchitheriums are, you're going to hurt their feelings! They're just going through a lot