Cockstealing Witch

Content Warning- Exactly what you'd expect

 SOURCE

Cockstealing witches, as you'd expect, steal dicks. They gain their magical powers via the bad vibes directed at them, and must have stolen(or much more rarely, be gifted) penises to generate magical effects.
Hit Dice-d4
Move Silently, Backstab, and Hide in Shadows as Thief. This variant Backstabbing only affects creatures with testicles.
Everything else as magic-user in your game

Cockstealing witches gain XP for stealing or being gifted penises at the same value of defeating the dick's owner.

Cockstealing witches do not gain MD/spell slots the normal way, and do not cast spells (though they can be learned) until level 2/template B save for the 'Steal Penis' ritual.

Template A- Steal Penis
Template B- Meatstick Magic
Template C- Castration Anxiety
Template D- Wang Wand

It is probably fine to give all abilities at level 1 as well, with the requirement of stealing a penis before gaining their use

Steal Penis- With about 10 minutes of uninterrupted access to a willing or helpless target, a penis may be silently and stealthily taken off somebody (no save). The penis remains alive and functional (though pissing takes place back at the host's ken-doll groin, not from the stolen penises), but has no special protections, which provides a fair amount of leverage over someone who wants it back. Penises take up 1 inventory slot assuming they are kept safe in a gourd or pouch or something. If stacked in larger quantities they tend to get misplaced, mistaken for sausages, stolen by rats, and so on and the witch can't complain if they go missing or if it takes a full ten minutes to peer through a bag o dicks to find the right one in dim dungeon lighting. If the owner retrieves the penis, they may re-attach it by putting it back (unless a certain spell has been cast to keep the penis even more thoroughly hostage, see spells below)

The owner of the penis feels anything done to their penis, and spells the witch casts upon the penis instead target the source of the penis, regardless of usual range limits and so on. Cockstealer witches may steal or gift cocks to each other to trade 'casting privileges' for a particular cock, but this is a ritualized affair that takes a day to re-bind cock permissions, whether it was gifted or stolen.

Inflicting pain on stolen penises will bring the owner to their knees most the time- any wielded penis may be abused as a free action once per round to inflict 1d3 subdual damage and a save vs being stunned for a round for the unfortunate owner, as well as a morale check (once per encounter). In the rare instance of a witch winning grapples against targets with exposed penises, this could be applied as a regular combat maneuver as well.

Meatstick Magic- Each penis held by a Cockstealing Witch grants them some power, and to cast a spell a witch must brandish a penis. If the penis-owner dies, so too does the penis. Penises must come from individuals who are wizards, chiefs/leader types, notorious criminals, knights, terrible monsters, etc (When in doubt just make each dick require the source to have +1 HD compared to the last acquired penis) though there may be uses for carrying extra bundles of otherwise unremarkable penises from farm animals, random monsters, and so on.
DCC Style Casting- Each inventory slot of dicks provides a +1 to casting checks, up to 1 per level. Eating a penis allows a lost spell to be regained, and truly remarkable phalluses (stolen from demons, giants, dragons, and the like) may provide from +1 to +4 to spell checks when used for appropriate spells (such as Growth for a giant). More work than I'm willing to do would be required for the spells here of course.
GLOG Style Casting- Each inventory slot of dicks provides 1 magic die, up to template max. Magic dice recover after a night's sleep, or a penis can be eaten to recover a magic die. Remarkable cocks may provide dice of larger size than d6 (the HD of the source material being the number of faces on a die, as a rough rule)
Vancian Style Casting (Ala O and AD&D) Each inventory slot penis is equivalent to a wizard level, allowing for preparation of spells according to the spells-per-day chart, up to the witch's level max. Eating a penis allows recovery of a spellslot of powerlevel equal to one-half of the owners HD.
Levelless Casting- Each dick can be used once per day for a spell or ability, essentially being 1 inventory slot of dicks being 1 spell per day.


Castration Anxiety- Those aware of the witch's prominent penis pilfering prowess and fearful for their own dongs take -1 to reaction rolls and to morale. This penalty is increased by and replaces both positive and negative charisma modifiers, making both charismatic and antisocial witches equally but differently terrifying. Eating a penis forces a morale check from those of the same type of being as the devoured dongus who observe the fate that awaits them.

This ability is lost if a Cockstealing Witch turns to consensual cock use only to avoid their doom, or never steals dicks to begin with.

Wang Wand- A cockstealing witch may cast the spells or use the abilities of a cock's owner by using a penis as a wand, though the witch still uses their own magic dice to fuel these spells. Passive, mundane abilities like a warriors to-hit, squirrels balance, horses speed, etc are stolen for 1 hour per power level invested, while passive supernatural abilities (levitation, invisibility, etc) last 1 turn per power level, and active abilities (dragon breath, basilisk gazes, wizard spells) activate only once and require 1 power level investment of effect per HD (or in the case of stolen spells, 1power level=1 power level), with 5 power levels sufficing for most most abilities even if HD exceeds 10. The owner loses their powers when the witch loses them, recovering them a day later.

CORE SPELLS OF COCKSTEALING WITCHES

1 power level=1 Vancian Spell Level=1 Glog magic die=+2 DCC spellcheck difficulty=2HD of monster.

1. Phallus In Chains- A penis may be mounted to another being or to the wall, floor, end of a 10 foot pole, etc. This prevents easy retrieval by the owner, and the witch may use mounted phalluses as wands via Wang Wand even without holding them, though no special sensory perception through them is given (though another spell allows scrying on them for better aiming/timing). Though the penises may be destroyed as usual, they cannot be removed without the witch's permission or a remove curse/dispel magic spell
   
2. Pubic Yank- By gripping the pubic hair or penis, the witch may summon the owner nude to their location for [sum] rounds or until the witch dismisses them, at which point they return from whence they came. No especial control is given save for the obvious leverage the witch has.
   
3. Adamant Penis- An erect penis may be transformed into a hard substance (iron, stone, crystal, etc), fired via a crossbow or, depending on size, hurled as dart or javelin or launched as ballista bolt. It deals damage based on size, it will unerringly strike holes/crevasses, and lodge in them firmly, making it useful to jam locks, spike doors, blind visored knights, silence casting wizards, and so on. The penis is transformed to metal/stone/etc for [[sum]] turns, after which it returns to its normal state, and can be used as a sap/club/quarterstaff (based on size) if wielded in melee. As it is a magical effect, it can strike enemies immune to non-magical weapons.
   
4. Ritual of Dusty Boners- This forbidden magic ritual, requiring the boner of a powerful undead (such as a mummy or vampire) allows the witch to use the penises of the dead (or the penis-bones, depending on species) as sources of power. It need only be cast once to acquire this power, but it must be cast with 4 magic dice, a spell check result of 30+, or a 4th level spell slot.
   
5. Curse of Targeted Impotence/Deviant Attraction/Blessing of Filial Loyalty- One target may be cursed to be impotent, save for towards a single person, group of people, or designated 'type' of person, designated by the witch. This functions as a Charm effect towards the designated target of attraction, and an immunity to love potions and similar charm effects from other sources, whether normal or supernatural in nature. If the designated object of attraction possesses the target's penis (as a talisman, typically), the charm effect does not wear off over time so long as the talisman is kept on ones person.
   
6. Harden/Soften- One inanimate object is either hardened akin to an erecting penis, or softened akin to a flaccid one (ropes extending straight out and swords drooping as common uses). Duration is [sum] turns. In the event an object is too large or inappropriate for this to occur, it may grow hard or flexible dildo-like protrusions instead of being affected in entirety.
   
7. Eldritch Gloryhole- A smallish portal is opened, through which a mysterious dong of unknown provenance emerges. It belongs to a random monster of [sum] HD and lasts [[sum]] rounds. This is a loaner penis that the witch may use as stolen penises may be used until the duration ends (including summoning the creature via Pubic Yank), and if harm befalls the penis the owner will likely seek vengeance.
   
8. Penis Panic- [[sum]] HD of penis-havers may be afflicted by the delusional terror that their penis has been stolen or is shrinking away (save to resist). Those afflicted act irrationally according to this table until they complete the rolled action, or [[sum]] rounds, turns, hours, or days pass, depending on [dice] used. Some targets (such as eunuchs or those free of attachment to their dick) are unaffected. Rival penis witches afflicted additionally believe their collection is lost.
   
   1. Flee in horror, searching for their missing dick in cupboards, under beds, and so on
      
   2. Attempt to replace their penis with nearby phallic objects
      
   3. Blame likely target as responsible, affected form angry mob to attack the scapegoat and turn on new ones until duration ends
      
   4. Drop held items and pants to hold onto dick with both hands to prevent it from vanishing for the duration.
      
   5. Attempt to retain manhood by getting a boner (generally results in rushing off to find mates, prostitutes, pornography, at any cost)
   6. Seeking a priest, doctor, or otherwise to cure their apparent disorder
9. Celeritous Castration-  Allows the stealing of a targeted penis in a single round with all the usual effects of the normally slow and silent Steal Penis ritual, provided they fail a save. If the penis is actually inside the caster at the time of casting, no save is allowed.
   
10. Trouser Snake- Transforms a penis into a snake. Stolen penises, being free from their owners, get no save and are free to wriggle around and attack the witch's enemies, whereas attached penises remain attached and will strike those nearby the afflicted randomly. The trouser snake lasts [sum] rounds and has the stats of a spitting cobra, though without any dangerous venom (unless the host creature is venomous)
    
11. Clairovoyeurism- Caster may scry upon either a penis they have stolen but is not in their possession (and the immediate area around of course) or upon the owner of a penis that is in their possession. There is a 1 round delay on incoming information for every 100 meters distance the spell must cross. The witch may cast spells through stolen penises at a distance like a remote-operated wand.
    
12. Steal  Form- By attaching the penis to themselves (or eating it), the witch may take on the physical appearance of the penis owner (as polymorph self). This transformation does not include supernatural abilities like a basilisk stare, but is a true physical transformation in terms of size, potential flight or waterbreathing, carrying capacity, and so on. The transformation ends when the penis is removed or digested completely, and the Wang Wand ability can be used as though the penis was being wielded in this time.
    

Mishaps (doubles or natural 1s)

1. Weakening magics cause all nearby dicks to become flaccid, numb and impotent for the rest of the day. Further spellslots/magic dice may not be gained.
2. Floppy penis rolls off-aim and throws spell at random target instead.
   
3. Mutation (see corruptions) for 1d6 turns, save or permanent at end. If possible, mutation is dick-related.
   
4. Random nearby dick of ally or of collection grows to cumbersome size for 1d6 rounds.
   
5. All dicks within 100' point  towards caster like accusing fingers, even if invisible or concealed
   
6. Dicks grow unruly and seek to rebel against the witch- all held dicks seek to escape like inchworms, escaping pouches scattering in all directions with a move rate of merely 5' per round but the ability to sneak into rat-holes and the like. Though it does take an action to catch one, catching requires no roll, just an action and a free hand.
   

Dooms/Corruptions

1- Witch smells musty regardless of how much they wash. Those aware of Cockstealing witches recognize this tell-tale scent as a mark of one, and bloodhounds may always track the witch.
2-Those who have had their penis stolen ambush the witch, either immediately or once it makes more sense. From now on, those who have had their penis stolen will scheme against the witch, appearing on random encounter tables as well and forever seeking to recover their lost penises. The dead may rise to reclaim lost penises if the witch turns to necromancy to avoid the wrath of the living
3- Due to a widespread campaign of fearmongering, calls for vengeance, and wrathful ancestor spirits trying to protect the continuation of their lineage, penis-havers will test morale to attack the witch on sight wherever they go, or take appropriate action like calling for guards, poisoning food, and so on if direct hostility would be foolish. Only by returning all stolen dicks and never stealing a dick again can the doom be averted, though penises freely gifted may still be utilized.



Societies of cockstealing witches
1- Semi-popular regional cult consists of devoted hedgewitches who keep their spouses penis safe while they are separated, and provide remote assistance in crisis (the penis haver may communicate via flexing the penis in morse code)
2- Warlike society where witches steal their children's penises at birth, and only return them once their child has 'proven' themselves in a rite of adulthood. Defeated foes invariably have their penises stolen as well, and penis-raiding may be one rite of adulthood.
3- Local witch who passes this magic down to worthy successors, acting as the vigilante avatar of sexual karma for the town.
4- Prostitutes' guild using this magic to ensure clients are polite and prompt payments. Also frequently hired out as wizards to the thieves guild for zany heists.
5- Traditional, respectable, court-approved wizard circle which just so happens to have a cock-based curriculum and spell lineage. Apprentices split between dignified local seventh sons of seventh sons and giggling foreign exchange students who have entirely the wrong idea about the place.
6- Foocubus operated sperm bank intended to maintain ancient and defunct noble bloodlines of long-crumbled empires across multiple continents, expanded into a long-distance dating/hookup service, and expanded again into a chimera-breeding beast-battler enabler, all to pay operating costs required for dealing with nobles. Delegation of the increasing number of tasks to hastily trained apprentice witches.