and also some tinkering to get rid of the boring entries. If I'm rolling on a crazy d100 table I don't want +1 to stats to show up. Stats don't matter!
The Alice or Alistair or Fool is an individual haunted by strange circumstance, or perhaps, is an entity that itself haunts strange circumstance. They might be bastard offspring of the gambling chaos god T'liki, or nascent Sorcerers whose inner reality warping light acts subconsciously, or people whose souls have gotten quite dark indeed (dark as in
On a meta-level, they are a good choice for players who are mainly playing to react to weird nonsense and play more peacefully rather than assume tactical battle superiority. Very 'journey not the destination' sort of class. They are also fairly chaotic, without being disruptive as say, some exploding wild-magic sorcerer
For purposes of HP and saves and XP treat as Thief. The thief with d4 hp, mind you.
In times of unusual stress Alices may become Exasperated. This Exasperation causes fate to take notice of the Alice, and then to aid her. The Alice says or thinks something like "Oh I can't conceive how I ever fell into this deplorable circumstance!" or "We are indeed doomed and the rats will gnaw our eyes."
Practically speaking, an Alice may express Exasperation once every real-time game hour. In my slow-ass text games that's like 2d3 times a session which seems aite. When this happens roll the dice.
At 1-3rd level roll 1d4, at 4-5th level roll 1d6, at 6-7th level roll 1d8, at 8-9th roll 1d10, at 10th level and higher roll 1d12:
- A secret door is revealed where none had previously been detected. If the GM has made no provision for a secret door, it leads to the nearest unexplored area.
- The Alice realizes she has something in her pack, her hair, or otherwise secreted about her person. The object can be anything non-magical and generic (a key, not the key) that exists in the setting and that is small enough that the Alice could reasonably have it hidden it in her current condition or smaller than a breadbox, whichever dimensions are smaller at the time. The Alice may choose what this is.
- An ordinary animal--cat sized or smaller--appears. The Alice cannot directly control it but it will not under any circumstances hurt the Alice.
- A fact about the situation at hand occurs to the Alice--a piece of local or monster lore, perhaps something she read or was once told in a parlor or a lesson or in a kitchen.
- Someone of the Alice's choice falls down. (Line of sight.)
- The weather in the immediate area changes in a way decided by the Alice--the change is general and may not be targeted (no aimed lighting bolts or gusts of wind).
- A nearby creature is charmed by the Alice for an hour. (Line of sight.)
- An inorganic device or object of the Alice's choice breaks. (Line of sight.)
- Something not ordinarily able to talk (GM's choice) begins to speak to the Alice.
- Creatures present completely forget the Alice is there for as long as the Alice keeps making saves vs spell.
- Someone is sent to fetch the Alice out of her current predicament. If there is an obvious candidate from among the local NPCs (giant eagles, a friendly knight...), that's who it is. If there isn't, then: hey GM, time to make up a weirdo. The NPC does not automatically have the ability to extricate the Alice from the situation, s/he merely appears as close as is plausible
- Someone or something of the Alice's choice begins to shrink at 1 foot per round down to playing-card size. (Line of sight.)
At first level and every time you level up, roll twice on the table below. What happens if you roll a thing twice (consecutively or otherwise) is also explained.
The commonest 0-70 results are the Noncombatant class abilities sans my least favorite one, and this horrid hybrid class is designed to pick up most or all of the noncombatant abilities sooner rather than later. Once you have all the Noncombatant abilities, you can pick up an individual Thief ability like Pick Locks instead if you keep rolling those results.
01-08 You are really good at resolving situations without violence. As long as no bloodshed has yet taken place, you get a +1 bonus to all reaction rolls as long as you are the one doing the talking. This stacks with any bonus you may get from a high Charisma score. If you reroll this, pick another ability from the 0-70
09-16 Your noncombatant status is obvious to everyone, and enemies won't treat you as a threat unless you give them reason to view you as one. For as long as you are cowering, hiding, running away, etc, all enemies will always ignore you until all your more threatening comrades are dealt with, and will not use lethal force against you unless they have a strong reason to leave no survivors. Once they see you inflict real damage on someone, this no longer applies. If you reroll this, pick another ability from the 0-70
17-25 Because they don't take you seriously as a threat, enemies won't bother to defend themselves properly against you unless you give them reason to do so. If you attack an enemy who is currently ignoring you, or who is fighting you but has not yet been given any reason to view you as a real threat, you get +4 to-hit and inflict double damage, as a Sneak Attack. For as long as these attacks keep missing, enemies will continue to not take you seriously (although they will try to stop you attacking them, in a low-priority sort of way), but once one of your attacks actually hits and does damage then this bonus no longer applies. If you reroll this, pick another ability from the 0-70
26-34 You are fantastic at knocking out unwary enemies by whacking them on the head with blunt objects. Any time you are able to sneak up behind someone, either because they don't know you're there or because they're ignoring you, you can try to whack them on the head with a table leg, rock, vase, etc. Make a to-hit roll (with your +4 bonus, if appropriate): if it hits, your victim must make a FORT save or be knocked out cold for 1d6 rounds. (Enemies in helmets get a +4 bonus to this save, and enemies without heads or brains are, of course, immune.) Once enemies have seen you do this, they will start to take you seriously as a threat, so this ability will usually only be usable once per combat. If you reroll this, pick another ability from the 0-70
35-43 You have an almost supernatural level of luck when it comes to dodging and ducking things. Once per day per level, you may declare that a single attack automatically misses you, or that you have automatically passed a single REF save. You may make this declaration after the to-hit or saving throw, turning a hit into a miss, but not after damage has been rolled. If you reroll this, pick another ability from the 0-70
44-52 Any time a ranged attack would take you to Zero HP or below, any other nearby PC may elect to take the hit instead by yelling 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' and jumping in the way of the bullet / arrow / whatever. They take the same damage you would have done. This can only occur once per encounter. If you reroll this, pick another ability from the 0-70
53-61 You are surprisingly adept at sneaking around. For as long as there are things to hide behind, you can sneak from place to place without being spotted except under the most extreme circumstances. People looking for you will never find you unless they have the time and opportunity to exhaustively search the location you are hiding in. If you reroll this, pick another ability from the 0-70
62-70 Any time you surrender to your enemies, they will always tie you up and take you prisoner unless they have a very strong reason for doing otherwise. You will always be tied up in such a way that you will be able to wriggle your way free in 1d6 hours, and your captors will never notice the looseness of your bonds until it is too late. If you are subsequently recaptured by the same group of enemies, however, they will treat you in the same way as anyone else. If you reroll this, pick another ability from the 0-70
71 You're very perceptive, if nothing else. For each combat round you spend just watching someone (i.e. you're not doing anything except maybe moving and you are not being attacked yourself) you get +d10 to hit and +d10 to damage or +d10 to any attempt to trip, grab, or otherwise mess with the target when you finally do decide to attack. This only works on targets that are engaged in combat while they are being observed. The ability can only be used once per fight on anyone smart enough to notice what you're doing. Also: only works on things with organs (like, not on oozes). Re-rolling this raises the die to d12 then d20. After that you start getting 2d10 then 2d12 then 2d20 etc.
72 Alice liked pies, although sometimes people did not want her to have them. Add your level to any attempt to locate any foodstuff of any kind. Re-rolling this this just adds +1 more up to a maximum of 10. After that the bonus applies to any organic material. After that it's a wasted roll.
73 She closed her eyes and said the words as she'd been taught... You have learned one magic-user spell. It functions as if cast by a 15th level wizard or your level whichever is higher. Determine the spell randomly (d8 for level). It works once, that's it.
74 Oh, I do so apologize... You can super-easily trip any basically human-sized creature that is otherwise engaged with someone or something else on a successful roll-under dex d20 roll. This only works once per fight unless the enemy is mindless like zombies or for some reason can't see you pull off this tactic. Re-rolling this result means the trip does damage: d4, then d6, then d8 etc.
75 Her aunt had mentioned them ... You are cousin or niece or otherwise secondhand related to an aristocratic NPC you meet. Additional relations per reroll.
76 All that hiding in the dumbwaiter has finally paid off. You know a secret. One of two kinds of secret, to be precise: either a piece of useful lore about a legendary treasure or magic item that you encounter or an embarrassing fact about an NPC. Mechanically: once per session you may astound your party's condescending wizard by pulling this lore or rumor out of your petticoat or pantaloon by making a successful roll-under int check. If you fail, screw it, you can't do it this session. Re-rolling this means you try for this twice per session, then 3 times, etc
77 It seemed nearly everything was dangerous if handled improperly. You've become very skilled with improvised weapons--they do one die category larger than they should If you garotte someone they automatically lose a turn on a successful hit, if you drop caltrops or marbles and someone with two legs steps on them they will automatically fall down (at least the first time). Re-rolling this result adds damage to any of these +2, +4, +6 , etc
78 It was very shiny and stuck out like a soup spoon... On a successful melee hit, you may immediately grab an item (other than the target's weapon) off a target. This won't work twice on anyone above zombie-intelligence who sees it. Re-rolling this result means you get a bonus to hit if you're just grabbing things, +2, +4, +6, etc.
79 “But I don’t want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. You may either cause insanity, or cure it, in a single individual, once. Insanity will be determined randomly from the luridly inaccurate tables of the AD&D DMG. Rerolling gives you extra uses, naturally.
80 Alice then did something quite astonishing... You are surprising. +(entire charisma score) to hit with any suddenly improvised weapon the first time you strike against any intelligent foe (who knew what you could do with a gingerbread man?) and add your whole charisma score to the damage. This trick only works once per fight. Re-rolling this adds +2, then +3, then +4 to the damage, etc.
81 The blue one certainly did make you taller, of that Alice was sure... Gain a 1-in-6 chance to identify Potions and Drugs on sight. Gain knowledge of a Potion Recipe upon rerolls.
82 She could be very charming when she needed to be. Your silver tongue ensures someone of ordinary intelligence you can talk to will pretty much automatically believe one lie you tell per day. If you re-roll this result, extra lies per day.
83 "It really was curious," she thought--"How many times could this kind of thing happen?" You may escape death or another equally awful fate exactly once. You must spend at least a round playing possum to build tension but....surprise, you jumped out of the way just in time! Re-rolling this means you get to do it again.
84 She knew to curtsey at times like this, and so she did. Despite the low company you keep, you've been working on your manners. Members of the upper classes instinctively recognize you as one of their own. +1 to reaction checks when dealing with them for every time you roll this.
85 It was so lovely, and--according to the book--it was right there. The dress made of manticoreflesh, the house full of lilacs, the magical fishgutting knife---whatever the thing that you always wanted is, it's there. 4 sessions worth of adventure away or less. Tell your GM, who then must place it.
You must have a fair shot at it--like any other reward, but there's no guarantee you will get it. If you don't get it by the fourth session you can keep trying or let it go and roll again on this table. However if you choose to roll again and then you do get the thing somehow anyway, you lose whatever gimmick you rolled. GM think up some clever reason why.
86 She had not known her mother's cousin very well, and decided that it was a bad thing that she had died...You have been willed 5000 units of the local currency (GP? SP? Kroner?) worth of random mundane (nonmagical) objects. Here's how it works: you have exactly ten seconds real time to say what you bought. You now have all that stuff, assuming it adds up to less than 5000gp. You do not get xp for this treasure.
87 They kept talking as though Alice was a rhododendron in a pot. Add +1 to enemy chance to be surprised each time you roll this.
88 She knew from school what the word meant, but did not know if it was rude or not. Choose a new language to read and speak.
89 Alice quite liked drawing, and had an impressive box of crayons at home. You are adept at forgery. It's a your Int vs. their Wis roll, assuming you have access to about 40 gp worth of stuff or the kind of materials you'd find in a civilized area. Every time you re-roll this you get +2 to the check.
90 She thought it might be a saltcellar, or at least that seemed like the right word for it. You can appraise treasure to a nontrivial and nonboring degree: you can estimate the value of nonmagical things flawlessly and if a piece of treasure is not what it seems on any level you will get an inkling. As in, you'll go "Is this not what it seems?" and the GM will go "Yeah, you've seen a lot of jade urns in your day and this is not what it seems somehow--you're not sure how." If a treasure has some unusual or hidden feature of a mechanical or physical nature you will sense that it is there on a successful Int roll. You won't know what it is, but you'll sense that it is there. You also have an extra +1 (in 6) and + int bonus (if any) chance to notice unusual features or traps in rooms if you are familiar with the culture that built the room. If you re-roll this result you are reading now, just roll again.
91-93 She did seem to offend people (and animals) wherever she went. You've become adept at dueling. You may add your dexterity bonus instead of your strength bonus to hit with a foil, rapier or similar weapon (if the mechanics of your game already allow that, you can add it to damage). Additionally, and each time you roll this result thereafter, you get an additional +1 to successful Duel Results
94 They all listened attentively as Alice told her tale. Though you don't find it particularly alarming, you suddenly recalled some hideous secret knowledge that you thought everybody knew.
95 They began to throw stones, and Alice began to avoid them +2 to reflex save or whatever saves can plausibly be derived from "jumping out of the way" in your system. If a save normally means you take half damage, you take none.
96 She began to feel somewhat neglected. If you are attacked in a round that you spend doing nothing but dodging and your attacker misses, s/he or it will not only miss but also lose his or her next turn (if s/he or it has multiple attacks, s/he will lose a number of attacks equal to your level). This only works once on anything of better than zombie intelligence that sees it happen. If you re-roll this result, you get it twice, then three times, then four, etc.
97-98 She tried to remember what she knew about stoats. +1 to reaction checks or charisma rolls from all ordinary animals and talking-but-otherwise-ordinary animals.
99-00 Alice had seen so many unusual things lately, it had become usual. You've seen and done so much that nothing phases you--you are immune to insanity or confusion in any form. Even mind-altering cosmic horrors from the far edge of the cosmos are like whatever. You still do fear. Fear is good. Fear keeps you alive. Re-rolling this means any allies who can see you likewise get a bonus (+2) to their saves on account of your steady eye.